Le top des pires cadeaux de noël que l’on reçoit quand on est parents

11 décembre 2018

Le sex-toy

Gérard, votre beau-frère a décidément un humour qui lui est propre (et très lourd aussi). Après la box préservatifs de l’année dernière « parce que bon, trois gamins, ça vous suffit hein ? », cette année sous le sapin vous découvrez : un petit lapin et il n’est pas en peluche. Très sympa d’expliquer aux petits Koalas, que non, ce n’est pas un jouet. Merci Gégé.

                                              

Le week-end en amoureux

Au début, vous trouvez ça super que toute la famille se soit cotisée pour vous offrir cette escapade à deux. Une nuit d’hôtel, un bon restaurant, une ville à découvrir, du temps rien que vous deux, vous en avez les larmes aux yeux. Tout comme quand vous voyez arriver la date limite du séjour et que personne n’est jamais dispo pour vous garder vos petits Koalas.

Le livre sur l’éducation positive

Tiens, tiens, tiens… c’est marrant dès la préface, l’auteur parle de l’importance de ne pas crier sur ses enfants et de la nécessité d’imposer des limites pour mettre un cadre à l’enfant avec fermeté mais en douceur. Tiens, oui c’est vraiment marrant parce que Germain a ouvert tous les cadeaux sous le sapin et vous avez hurlé en voyant les paquets de toute la famille complètement éventrés. Un message à faire passer peut-être Belle-Maman ?

Un abonnement à la saison culturelle de votre ville

C’est Renée votre petite sœur, célibataire sans enfant, très au fait des sorties culturelles, des concerts, des expos à voir absolument qui vous tend l’enveloppe avec l’abonnement trois étoiles (celui où tous les spectacles et expos sont compris). Vous la remerciez chaleureusement.  Mais comme ce cadeau vous coûterait bien trop cher en baby-baby-sitting, vous l’offrez à votre tour à Eugène votre beau-frère, lui aussi célibataire sans enfant. Tiens, mais entre Renée et Eugène ça pourrait matcher, non ?

Et vous, c’est quoi le pire cadeau de noël que vous ayez reçu ?

 

Fbck X

Included files ( 67 files, 677ko )

No File Size (ko)
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                            [index] => index
                        )

                    [secure] => 1
                    [title] => Espace membre
                )

            [merchant] => Array
                (
                    [action] => index
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [offline_register_success] => offline_register_success
                            [offline_scrap] => offline_scrap
                            [offline_register] => offline_register
                            [offline_merchants] => offline_merchants
                            [increase] => increase
                            [index] => index
                            [mobile_menu] => mobile_menu
                            [promotion] => promotion
                            [search] => search
                            [search_google] => search_google
                            [view] => view
                            [rating] => rating
                            [comment_create] => comment_create
                            [export] => export
                        )

                    [title] => Commerçants
                )

            [news] => Array
                (
                    [action] => index
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [index] => index
                            [actu] => actu
                        )

                    [title] => Actualités
                )

            [newsletter] => Array
                (
                    [action] => subscribe
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [subscribe] => subscribe
                            [unsubscribe] => unsubscribe
                            [status] => status
                        )

                    [title] => Newsletter
                )

            [notify] => Array
                (
                    [action] => action
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [adblock] => adblock
                        )

                    [title] => Notice
                )

            [offers] => Array
                (
                    [title] => Offres spéciales
                )

            [current_offers] => Array
                (
                    [action] => index
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [index] => index
                        )

                    [title] => Offres du moment
                )

            [partner] => Array
                (
                    [action] => index
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [index] => index
                            [view] => view
                            [detail] => detail
                        )

                    [title] => Partenaires
                )

            [provider_gateway] => Array
                (
                    [action] => action
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [is_logged] => is_logged
                            [callback] => callback
                        )

                    [secure] => 1
                    [title] => Authentification tiers
                )

            [redirector] => Array
                (
                    [action] => action
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [merchant] => merchant
                            [partner] => partner
                            [product] => product
                            [history] => history
                        )

                    [title] => Redirection
                )

            [register] => Array
                (
                    [secure] => 
                    [action] => index
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [index] => index
                            [beneficiaires] => beneficiaires
                            [notification] => notification
                            [complete_association] => complete_association
                            [complete_creation] => complete_creation
                        )

                    [title] => Inscription
                )

            [register_landing] => Array
                (
                    [action] => index
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [index] => index
                        )

                    [title] => Inscription
                )

            [video] => Array
                (
                    [action] => action
                    [actions] => Array
                        (
                            [demo] => demo
                            [news] => news
                            [presentation] => presentation
                        )

                    [title] => Vidéo
                )

            [401] => Array
                (
                )

            [403] => Array
                (
                )

            [404] => Array
                (
                )

            [500] => Array
                (
                )

            [600] => Array
                (
                )

        )

)

3. app-env

Array
(
    [title] => Development
    [domain] => dev.capitalkoala.com
    [db] => Array
        (
            [host] => localhost
            [user] => capitalkoala
            [pass] => MAfmMZRmxEfhRmUy
            [base] => capitalkoala
            [table_prefix] => ck_
        )

    [emails] => Array
        (
            [from] => jconan@all-devs.fr
            [return-path] => jconan@all-devs.fr
            [help] => jconan@all-devs.fr
            [site] => jconan@all-devs.fr
            [support] => jconan@all-devs.fr
            [webmaster] => jconan@all-devs.fr
        )

    [cache] => 
    [error_mode] => 1
    [log] => Array
        (
            [file] => Array
                (
                    [verbosity] => 4
                )

            [toolbar] => Array
                (
                    [verbosity] => 4
                    [analyze] => 
                    [benchmark] => 
                    [autoopen] => 
                )

        )

    [seo] => Array
        (
            [allow_index] => 
            [rewrite_urls] => 1
        )

    [statics_url] => 
    [locale] => fr
    [providers] => Array
        (
            [facebook] => Array
                (
                    [consumer_key] => 227320107308971
                    [consumer_secret] => b7e6494710314c47bb14b1a6f279cca8
                )

            [facebook-tab-poker] => Array
                (
                    [consumer_key] => 227320107308971
                    [consumer_secret] => b7e6494710314c47bb14b1a6f279cca8
                )

            [gmail] => Array
                (
                    [consumer_key] => 634403623486.apps.googleusercontent.com
                    [consumer_secret] => Szsx4kjhiVapIXgqKNlvkBE8
                    [refresh_token] => 1/ubb0FZSEkxRI-kF-TO6Y_frh_dP9EUCv14CPNhL12gc
                )

            [yahoo] => Array
                (
                    [consumer_key] => dj0yJmk9MlptZ2NZc1FUTVp6JmQ9WVdrOVIwVjVRWEJsTkdjbWNHbzlOemt4TmpjMk56WXkmcz1jb25zdW1lcnNlY3JldCZ4PTU0
                    [consumer_secret] => c6be752afb80dcda438122a3a14ad26a9ac1b9ee
                    [app_id] => GEyApe4g
                )

        )

    [stat] => 
    [affiliate_universal_password] => jeJk6awtDg
    [facebook_api_id] => 227320107308971
    [name] => dev_alldevs_fr
    [filepath] => /var/www/capitalkoala/public_html/
    [path] => /
)

4. view

Array
(
)

PHP globals

All (7)

$_GET

$_POST

$_FILES

$_COOKIE

$_SESSION

$_SERVER

CONSTANTS

1. $_GET

Array
(
    [app] => site_ck
    [pg] => label
    [action] => mag
    [ref] => les-pires-cadeaux-de-noel
)

2. $_POST

Array
(
)

3. $_FILES

Array
(
)

4. $_COOKIE

Array
(
)

5. $_SESSION

Array
(
    [csrf_tokens] => Array
        (
            [form] => Array
                (
                    [aac741784df3febd2a697fbdff7a7b28] => aac741784df3febd2a697fbdff7a7b28
                    [9b89147082c0bcf4bf5282eb6afab1f0] => 9b89147082c0bcf4bf5282eb6afab1f0
                    [c73945a5a01875e7b90ff72c050643b3] => c73945a5a01875e7b90ff72c050643b3
                    [06420ffe595ed41dda463ac22083eaf0] => 06420ffe595ed41dda463ac22083eaf0
                    [8995db276c1bc51dd642b86ac1c7b570] => 8995db276c1bc51dd642b86ac1c7b570
                    [65bae646b27e028c547bc7a3591d9437] => 65bae646b27e028c547bc7a3591d9437
                )

        )

)

6. $_SERVER

Array
(
    [USER] => capitalkoala
    [HOME] => /var/www/capitalkoala
    [SCRIPT_NAME] => /front/ck/index.php
    [REQUEST_URI] => /label-koala/mag/les-pires-cadeaux-de-noel/
    [QUERY_STRING] => app=site_ck&pg=label&action=mag&ref=les-pires-cadeaux-de-noel
    [REQUEST_METHOD] => GET
    [SERVER_PROTOCOL] => HTTP/1.1
    [GATEWAY_INTERFACE] => CGI/1.1
    [REDIRECT_QUERY_STRING] => app=site_ck&pg=label&action=mag&ref=les-pires-cadeaux-de-noel
    [REDIRECT_URL] => /front/ck/label-koala/mag/les-pires-cadeaux-de-noel/
    [REMOTE_PORT] => 38772
    [SCRIPT_FILENAME] => /var/www/capitalkoala/public_html/front/ck/index.php
    [SERVER_ADMIN] => [no address given]
    [CONTEXT_DOCUMENT_ROOT] => /var/www/capitalkoala/public_html/
    [CONTEXT_PREFIX] => 
    [REQUEST_SCHEME] => https
    [DOCUMENT_ROOT] => /var/www/capitalkoala/public_html/
    [REMOTE_ADDR] => 34.236.190.216
    [SERVER_PORT] => 443
    [SERVER_ADDR] => 83.96.200.144
    [SERVER_NAME] => dev.capitalkoala.com
    [SERVER_SOFTWARE] => Apache
    [SERVER_SIGNATURE] => 
    [PATH] => /usr/local/sbin:/usr/local/bin:/usr/sbin:/usr/bin:/sbin:/bin
    [HTTP_ACCEPT_ENCODING] => gzip
    [HTTP_CONNECTION] => Keep-Alive
    [HTTP_HOST] => dev.capitalkoala.com
    [HTTP_IF_MODIFIED_SINCE] => Sun, 16 Jun 2019 12:30:03 PDT
    [HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE] => en-US,en;q=0.5
    [HTTP_ACCEPT] => text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8
    [HTTP_USER_AGENT] => CCBot/2.0 (https://commoncrawl.org/faq/)
    [proxy-nokeepalive] => 1
    [SSL_TLS_SNI] => dev.capitalkoala.com
    [HTTPS] => on
    [ZEND_OPTIMIZER] => 1
    [SESSION_USE_TRANS_SID] => 0
    [REGISTER_GLOBALS] => 0
    [MAGIC_QUOTES] => 0
    [PHP_VER] => 5_4
    [REDIRECT_STATUS] => 200
    [REDIRECT_SSL_TLS_SNI] => dev.capitalkoala.com
    [REDIRECT_HTTPS] => on
    [REDIRECT_ZEND_OPTIMIZER] => 1
    [REDIRECT_SESSION_USE_TRANS_SID] => 0
    [REDIRECT_REGISTER_GLOBALS] => 0
    [REDIRECT_MAGIC_QUOTES] => 0
    [REDIRECT_PHP_VER] => 5_4
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_STATUS] => 200
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_SSL_TLS_SNI] => dev.capitalkoala.com
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_HTTPS] => on
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_ZEND_OPTIMIZER] => 1
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_SESSION_USE_TRANS_SID] => 0
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_REGISTER_GLOBALS] => 0
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_MAGIC_QUOTES] => 0
    [REDIRECT_REDIRECT_PHP_VER] => 5_4
    [FCGI_ROLE] => RESPONDER
    [PHP_SELF] => /front/ck/index.php
    [REQUEST_TIME_FLOAT] => 1566098959.5622
    [REQUEST_TIME] => 1566098959
)

7. CONSTANTS

Array
(
    [DIRECT_ACCESS] => 1
    [FBCK_BENCH_START] => 1566098959.5623
    [SITE_ID] => 1
    [SITE_REF] => ck
    [FBCK_VERSION] => 0.5.0
)